i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize