Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
