I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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