i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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