Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
