it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
