I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
