Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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