Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
