And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
