You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
