I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
