my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
