dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
