Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
