I'm going to jail i love you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bring me that man meat
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
