Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
