Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
