Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
