Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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