It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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