I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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