I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
