The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
