as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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