my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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