I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The adults are the big ones right?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
