So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
