jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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