All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
