i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
