is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
