i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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