Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
