Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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