plz talk dirty to me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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