You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dicks are not precious.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
