What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
