nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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