Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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