I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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