Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
