you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
