Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
