Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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