i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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