I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
