My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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