Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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