I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
