HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
