I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
