Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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