just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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