I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
