I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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