My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
