They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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