What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
