I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
