i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't turn off my feet"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
