There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
