I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
