I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
