Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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