I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
