Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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