You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Someone shit on the floor
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
