you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
