I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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