Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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